| I'm antsy. I'll admit it. Tiger basketball is near. I can feel these things. In my bones. Daily. This is why I write. Not to inform the reader about anything worthwhile, or useful, or interesting; but to ramble out my pent up desire to watch the Tigers in action. So let's get to it, shall we?
Last year, on the heels of an extraordinarily successful Tiger football season and two straight tournament appearances, our Tiger basketball players felt the immense pressure to perform. They succeeded, gloriously; even by University of Memphis standards. Going a respectable, thirty-three and four, with an elite eight appearance, and just three arrests.
The Tiger basketball program and its alumni, including NBA superstar Shawne Williams, have created for themselves a legacy. A legacy of which they had better live up to year after year. Seriously. The fans deserve it. And following last season, having not lost a starter, the fans deserve more. And by more I mean lots.
According to a recent poll, anything less than an undefeated sixty-three and zero season will be considered an epic failure. The Tigers must not only win each NCAA sanctioned game by at least seventy-five points, but generate for themselves twenty-six additional wins by whatever means necessary. They must also literally murder the opposing team, coaching staff included, in at least thirty-five of these wins. Anything less spells riot, according to polls.
I've approached many to most of the Tiger players, questioning them about such lofty expectations; including Tiger superstar Chance McGrady, who declined comment. This was the common theme amongst players, as they all declined comment. I was, however, at least able to evoke a response from Tiger center Joey Dorsey, as he was standing in line at the prestigious Tiger Den. I respectfully tapped the nine-three, eight hundred and fifty thousand pound big man on the right shoulder and inquired, "Excuse me, Joey? How do you feel about the Tiger's lofty expectations this season?" In response, the Tiger center furrowed his brow, let out a deafening howl and began destroying campus property for no apparent reason. By day's end, the rambunctious fellow had managed to a) inflict eight-hundred and seventy-five million dollars worth of damage, b) hurt everyone's feelings, c) blow up the planet Mercury, d) severely frighten those previously unfamiliar with Joey Dorsey, f) kill those people and g) take out all but one student of Dr. William H. Brewster elementary school, as they were on a campus field trip. Aim for the stars, kids. Aim for the stars. As a side note, the one student was promptly swept up by Samuel L. Jackson and director M. Night Shyamalan. Upon being questioned about the outburst, Dorsey responded with a series of tempered grunts, interlaced with actual, coherent words; for example, "gravy" and "I am angry". He then removed his shirt.
So, as one can see, Joey Dorsey is excited and/or pissed about the upcoming Tiger basketball season. And if Joey Dorsey is excited, I am excited. All jokes aside, I love the guy. He's the type of candid, outspoken character our program needs. Let's just hope that Tiger backup Pierre Niles can learn from the fiery starter. I'm going to go out on a limb here in saying that if young Pierre had at least ten percent of Mr. Dorsey's tenacity, in addition to his (Niles') current heart situation, we could securely expect from the frequently reticent big man at least one vaguely animated scowl, incomprehensible "hooray", would-be fist pump and slightly annoyed groan per game. It's a scary thought. Point: if the players don't care, why should the fans? Imagine a packed FedEx Forum, leaning heavily on the Pierre Niles handbook for success, celebrating a thunderous Joey Dorsey breakaway slam as if it were a Davis Love III tap-in for par. Also, it'll be interesting to see if the Tigers can function properly following the loss of community all-star Jeremy Hunt. My gut is telling me, "yes". Can't wait. this was for an english project.... enjoy |
